Don’t beat yourself up when you find yourself depressed or overwhelmed because you don’t know what to do next or where to turn. With very few exceptions, that happens to all women who are experiencing divorce. Even when divorces aren’t complicated, they are still frightening and frustrating.
Try to remember that divorce is a process. If the world were perfect, divorces would be finalized quickly, comfortably and without drama. Marriages would end on a positive note with a good sportsmanlike handshake and an I wish you well. Thanks for the memories. Sadly, that happens rarely.
Think about it this way. If you need medical attention, you go to a doctor. If that doctor sees that you need more specialized medical attention, he or she will refer you to a specialist. If you still don’t feel well after seeing the specialist, you seek another opinion. In medicine, this is very common and part of the reason is simple. You and you alone know if you are still not feeling well. It’s not tricky to understand that the medical treatment you have received isn’t working and you need further opinions.
Divorce is very different because you don’t have the same kind of barometer to tell you when things are not getting better. In most cases, women seek the aid of an attorney with very little understanding of the divorce process or the attorney’s capabilities. Extremely rare is the attorney who calls in reinforcements or suggests getting another opinion. With that said, how can a woman know if her attorney is doing right by her or if her divorce is proceeding in the best way possible? After all, she has no barometer that says “I still don’t feel well and need to seek another opinion.”
Unless you have a friend who is a successful paralegal or a talented and respected divorce attorney, you will not be 100% sure that you are proceeding through the process in the best way possible. As those of you who are regulars here know, I lucked out with my second divorce attorney because he was ethical, respected, intelligent and extremely talented. My problem was that he had to pick up so very many pieces that had been dropped by my first attorney.
Just so you know, I did have a friend who was a successful paralegal who guided me toward my second divorce attorney. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have lucked out because I didn’t have a divorce barometer either. 😉
