Stick Together In A Fall Apart World

Today, I would like to offer you some words of wisdom from a friend of mine who is one half of a happy marriage. I asked him to share some of his secrets so here they are.

Many people go into marriage woefully unprepared.  Individuals seek to come together, not having the example of loving parents.  They have never really had anyone who loved demonstrated unconditional love.  They have never really had anyone to whom they could show love.  They vow to love someone forever, but they have never really given or received unconditional love.  It is no wonder that marriages fall apart with a  regularity.  

Here are a few tips that will help you keep your marriage together when others are falling apart. Make a list of the reasons that you fell in love in the first place.  When you were dating, you found many things that you loved about your spouse.  Most of those things haven’t changed. Many of a couple’s problems come from circumstances outside your relationship.  Counting those things you loved about your spouse will help you to remember the things that you still love about one another.

Seek for common ground on those things you don’t like about one another. We naturally pull away from people with whom we have conflict. Disagreements over movies, music, leisure activities seem to grow, when a couple is in conflict.  I like classical music.  My wife likes country music.  During a long car trip this could be a great problem, but we both like recorded books.  That’s our common ground.

Three suggestions to help you help your marriage together:

• When you married, you joined hands, exchanged vows and exchanged rings.  you promised one another to that you would stay together until death.  If you have any kind of character, you want to do everything you can to keep that promise.

• Twenty-first century life is characterized by alienated people who feel more at home in second life or social media than they do in their corporal life.  It is important for married people to find examples of couples who have weathered the storms of life.  If you don’t have family members who have been married for the long term, you may want to visit a place of worship, where both of you can grow in your inner life, and find examples of people who have marriages that last.

• Katherine Albrecht gave a great example for becoming happy with your spouse again.  She quoted someone from the past who wrote about marriage counseling who said, smile, light-up and give your spouse your full attention, when they walk into the room.  You will find out that you will fall in love again with your spouse and your spouse will fall in love again with you.

Yes, marriage is difficult and there are occasions, when separation or even divorce may be necessary for your safety, but many times marriages can and should be saved. ~ Dan Neiman

Photo: kumon