WANTED:
STAY AT HOME MOM
JOB DESCRIPTION AND REQUIREMENTS AND BENEFITS
MUST QUIT ALL PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT. MUST BE PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY CAPABLE OF REMAINING SLEEP DEPRIVED FOR YEARS AT A TIME. MUST HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE A PSYCHOLOGIST, TAXI CAB DRIVER, COOK, LAUNDRESS, MEDIATOR, ADOLESCENT AND TEENAGE INTERPRETER, REFEREE, HOUSEKEEPER, TEACHER, NURSE, SEAMSTRESS, DRIVER’S ED TEACHER AND PARTY PLANNER.
MUST AGREE TO GIVE UP ALL PERSONAL NEEDS FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST FIVE YEARS OF EACH CHILD’S LIFE. MUST BE WILLING TO GO TO AND ACTUALLY ENJOY ALL, SO CALLED SPORTING EVENTS, BEGINNING WITH T-BALL. MUST BE TOTALLY EXCITED TO SIT THROUGH LONG ASSEMBLIES AND SCHOOL PLAYS. MUST BE ABLE TO WATCH EACH CHILD THROUGH SPECIAL MOMENTS WHILE AT THE SAME TIME TAKING PERFECT PICTURES AND VIDEOS. MUST BE SELF SUFFICIENT AND SELF MOTIVATED.
MUST NOT NEED ANY POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. MUST BE ABLE TO BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONE TIME. MUST BE ABLE TO DO AT LEAST, THREE THINGS AT ONCE. VERY FEW COMPLAINTS WILL BE ACCEPTED BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR NEEDS. NO ADVANCEMENT POSSIBLE. THERE IS NO SALARY, THEREFORE THERE WILL BE NO RAISES. THIS JOB MAY BE TERMINATED WITHOUT NOTICE. HEALTH BENEFITS MAY BE TERMINATED WITHOUT NOTICE. YOU WILL NOT BE ENTITLED TO UNEMPLOYMENT COMPENSATION.
YOU MAY NOT ADD THIS JOB OR THE YEARS SPENT AT THIS JOB, TO YOUR RESUME. THIS EMPLOYER WILL NOT GIVE YOU A POSITIVE RECOMMENDATION UPON YOUR TERMINATION. YOU PROBABLY HAVE ALREADY BEEN REPLACED BY A NEWER MODEL BY THE TIME THAT YOU READ THIS. THERE IS NO JOB SECURITY WITH THIS POSITION SO DON’T BE SURPRISED IF IT ENDS SUDDENLY.
