Please don’t say a driver or a five iron! Lions and Tigers and bears…oh my! We can’t see the forest for the Woods…sorry…I couldn’t resist!
Okay so now you are separated or divorced. I think the biggest wedge is opposing and differing expectations. Remember that most peoples’ emotions will be worn on their sleeves during the holidays. Accept that you will be the same way. Try to think of the things that tend to fill your mind during the holidays and prepare for them in advance. While you are taking care of the others, don’t forget to take care of yourself!
If there are certain events that spark sadness, avoid them. If there are things or people who will set you off, prepare yourself! Think about ways that you can lift your mood. Change the way you celebrate. Make new traditions.
Depending on the ages of your kids, a scavenger hunt or something like that can be fun. Each person might get a note under the tree which offers a hint of where they will find the next hint and so on. I found that even my teenagers had fun with the idea and it certainly was different from previous Christmases.
Pampering yourself is a great way to reduce stress. Do something that will relax you. Whether it’s reading a book or watching a video, go for it! Even the knowledge that you WILL be pampering yourself can take the edge off stressful situations.
Just because you celebrated the holidays a certain way prior to the divorce process beginning doesn’t mean that you MUST perpetuate the old ways. We all know that Christmas Carols remind us of friends and family and being together. If these songs are depressing for you now, don’t play them. Stick to the fun ones that will make you smile.
Don’t be afraid to be direct with family and friends. Remind them that this is going to be a difficult holiday season for you and explain what you are comfortable doing. Don’t overextend. Taking on too will be the fuel that will make the fire of your heartache burn more.
Being alone is not a good thing. If you find that the courts or your ex have negotiated your children away, prepare yourself. Ask a good friend if you can spend the day with her. You might be totally surprised to find that she will welcome the idea.
I have found from personal experience that focusing on people who are less fortunate and focusing less on self is a huge mood booster. Try that as you appreciate and give thanks for the good things in your life. Remember the saying, “I felt sad because I had no shoes until I saw a person who had no feet.”
If your mood is already iffy and the holidays aren’t even here yet, prepare yourself for the worst by keeping phone numbers for people who will support you, ready just in case. It might be a relative in another state or it could be someone from your worship congregation or a minister.
A great anti-depression medicine is exercise. Believe it or not, endorphins are released when we exercise and those are the little ladies that make us happy!
