So many of you have asked about how you can tell if your child is being alienated from you by your ex-spouse. You have asked for some of the signs that you might be a targeted parent.
All of my research and experiences with alienated children have taught me a few things that may be of some help to you.
- First of all, if you see a big change in how your child treats you…red flag!
- If your child tells you and anyone else who will listen, that he or she hates you and can’t say anything positive about you…red flag!
- If your child is emphatic that his or her attitude toward you has nothing to do with what anyone has told him or her. He or she may even state that your ex-spouse has nothing to do with his or her feelings…red flag!
- If your child now defends and protects your ex-spouse even though the defenses are not accurate…red flag!
- If your child shows no guilt or empathy when he or she hurts you and your feelings…red flag!
- If your child doesn’t want to talk to you when he or she did before…red flag!
- When you question why your child is acting in such a different way toward you, he or she gives weak reasons for his or her anger…red flag!
- Have you heard that your child badmouths you to others to the point of becoming volatile and or cursing…red flag!
- Does your child suddenly want nothing to do with you, your family and your friends when prior this was not true…red flag!
It is extremely important that you realize that there could be some other causes for the above situations. Please remember that as children grow up, they go through stages that are not very pleasant for a parent to endure. With teenage years come disrespect and lack of communication in varying degrees. You can’t assume that your child is being alienated from you just because he or she exhibits some very normal adolescent characteristics.
One other thing. If your ex spouse is working on alienating your children from you, the siblings who have already been alienated will stand on the opposing side and help the alienating parent. Please don’t get angry with them. They are being used as pawns to hurt you. It will get better in time. These children are being emotionally abused and need help.
Remember that I am not a psychologist. I am someone who has a great deal of experience in dealing with divorce and the aftermath. If you are concerned about any of the above, you should seek professional help.
