Do you remember how you felt when you found out you were going to have a baby? Do you remember your feelings as you felt that baby moving inside of you? If you adopted, do you remember how you felt when you found out that you had been approved? Do you remember how you felt when you saw your new baby or new child for the first time?
I feel safe in saying that you do remember overwhelming feelings of unconditional love. You vowed to that child that you would always be there and that you would do your best to protect him or her from harm, sadness and pain.
You know that you would walk through fire to save your child or children from experiencing any kind of unhappiness or grief.
Now, you are in the process of getting divorced. You believe that you still feel the same way about protecting your children from harm, right?
With divorce comes sadness and pain for all involved including and especially for the children. So, how can you protect your children now and in the future?
The answer is fairly simple but carrying it out is often extremely difficult. You and your ex-husband or soon to be ex-husband must change the way you think and act for the sake of your children.
No matter how angry, hurt, abandoned, guilty and afraid you feel, you need to protect the children from feeling the same way. After all, it’s the two of you who have the issues. It’s not the children’s f
ault. They are innocent. The ages of the children really do not matter. The fact is that children of any age would like their family to remain intact.
These are my ten commandments for protecting children living in the wake of divorce. Please, try to understand that how their father and you act will make a huge difference in the level of pain they experience.
- Do not make them choose between you. Do not expect them to be more loyal to you because you believe you were wronged.
- Do not bad mouth their father or place blame.
- Do communicate regularly with their father about school, visits, scheduling and illnesses.
- Do not give them the details of the divorce or what happens in divorce court.
- Do understand that they are afraid of the unknown and their future.
- Do tell them and show them that you love them and will always be there for them.
- Do understand that often children gravitate toward the parent they are most afraid of losing.
- Do help them understand that the divorce is between parents but that the love both parents have for the child does not change.
- Do act and speak courteously to their father and expect the same.
- Seek professional help if your child is showing any symptoms of depression.
Following these commandments will help your child begin to heal. You can’t protect your children from the illness that divorce causes but you can certainly help the symptoms that the children are experiencing.
First Photo by winclan
Second Photo by stylianosm
