Who kicks people when they are down?

What kind of person is capable if kicking another person when he is down? The answer is simple. It is the kind of person that takes pleasure in someone else’s pain and gains strength from it. The prisons are filled with such people. In a world that is filled with so much beauty and so much good, how is it that some people, thrive on the unhappiness of others?

Why is it that some people seem to take pleasure in wallowing in their own unhappiness? Why is it that the same people seem to enjoy building their lives on a cornerstone of self pity? Why do they constantly blame others for their problems? These are psychological and moral questions, for which I have no answers. What I do know is that, we can not allow these people to succeed in demoralizing us, fragmenting our strengths or ability to believe in ourselves and our abilities.

If we opt to love people who are destructive, that is our choice. I believe that it is an appropriate choice in certain instances, as long as we also opt to love ourselves at the same time. In doing so, we must establish and defend our own personal boundaries. If we have relationships with husbands, parents or children, who have the propensity to blame and attack, without owning up to their own inadequacies, we must make educated decisions that involve our own self preservation.

We must acknowledge the fact that a psychologically healthy person is able to admit a mistake, show compassion and put himself in the other person’s shoes. That being said, it does not mean that such a person should constantly apologize or turn the other cheek, to the point of being destroyed physically or emotionally. Many of us have existed in abusive relationships because of our inability to realize that the blame was not necessarily ours to accept. At some point, many of us have lost the ability to discern the difference between what is and what should be.  Our roles and responsibilities, in caustic relationships often continued because we had become numb.

I believe with all of my heart, that a portion of these crises were born of a mother’s job description. Mothers intrinsically love, nurture and forgive. What is not instinctive in many mothers is knowledge that it is unhealthy to lose sense of self. The mothering process should include setting personal boundaries and maintaining a validation of personal identity.

In my opinion, mothers who do not put any focus on the fact that, their own personal validation is important, are mothers who are doing a disservice to their offspring. If we don’t cultivate, in our children, the ability to respect the needs and feelings of others, we will have failed. We must realize that our children will not always need us and we must let go of the fantasy that we are perfect mothers. When we are able to erase guilty and selfish from our descriptions of ourselves, a tremendous burden will be lifted from our shoulders.

While we may have put forth valiant efforts in our mothering, the reality is that, at some point, our children must begin to make their own decisions and choices.