A Common Trap for Moms

So many of you are having a difficult time with your teens and preteens as you navigate through the divorce process.

Unknowingly or knowingly, your children are placed in the middle by their father or you. Whether you initiated the divorce or he did, whether he broke the vows or you did, the facts are still the same when it comes to the fallout.

Divorce is like an earthquake that shakes the very ground where the family once stood and leaves in its wake a huge crevasse. This is a “great divide” that often separates siblings from each other and one or both parents.

One of the most painful lessons that a divorcing mother learns is that children are not always loyal to the parent who has always been there for them. The reality is that the children often take out their anger on the parent who will not abandon them. They gravitate toward the parent who has not been there and the one they are most afraid might abandon them.

I hear so many mothers as they tearfully share their stories about their weakened relationships with their children.

They just can’t comprehend the fact that they were the one who stayed up with their children when they were sick, the one who helped them with their homework, the one who wiped away their tears and made them feel good about themselves in spite of adversity, the one who followed the bus on that first day of school because they were afraid to go on it alone.

The pain is real and it is devastating but just like all difficulties in life, patience and hard work will help to remedy the situation.

You will gain perspective when you understand these two things about children:

• They are inherently selfish. They want what they want and will generally do what it takes to get what they want.
• Children’s mental maturity doesn’t come about until they are in their late twenties.

So Moms, work on your patience and try as hard as you can to avoid the trap of taking their comments and actions personally. They will figure things out in time! Guaranteed. 😉

Photo: mckaysavage