Do you see yourself as being in the process of the decision part of your divorce? If you say yes, that means you already see this as a process, a journey t
hrough and around some obstacles but a manageable process nonetheless, in which you have some control and are not a victim.
You have an inner strength! Count on that because it is the foundation of all that will come if you decide to move ahead.
At this point, you will need to obtain information. There are legal, emotional, and financial issues that you must think about before taking any steps. If talking with your husband is not an option, there are probably 3 people you need to bring into your circle right now:
- A counselor/mentor/adviser to work with you to develop a clear emotional support system
- a legal service to inform you of your rights and reasonable expectations in a divorce
- a debt counselor to help you create a sound financial plan for yourself
All of these are doable and probably not too expensive.
You can contact www. (your state) legalaid.com or a similar site for your state’s laws in order to get started understanding the legal aspects. You may have health insurance right now, so it would be a good time to seek out a counselor who would be covered under your benefit plan. (Be careful though because he could attempt to use this against you in divorce court.) If you have a church connection, you often can find counseling help from that perspective at little or no cost. And if you do an internet search in your area, you should be able to find free debt consulting services.
There are many good books on divorce out there now. One I’ve recommended for its sensible and understandable approach is Divorce Empowerment: What You Need to Know, Do and Say by Linda Power. It can help you get your thoughts in order and a handle on thinking rationally about the “business” of divorce.
Remember that underneath your fear and miserable feelings, you can come to grips with what you have to do.
