I hear women say so often, He just doesn’t get it. No matter how I try to tell him how I feel it’s like I’m speaking a different language. Well, the reality is that often men and women are speaking different languages and asking men to listen to how you feel is like asking them to wear a bra so that they understand how breasts feel.
Well, that didn’t come out exactly right but you get my drift, I think. The idea just doesn’t work for them. I offered this as a suggestion a while back and have been asked to re post it so I will. First of all, don’t say to a man earlier in the day, We need to have a talk tonight.
That will sure as anything squelch any chance of a positive conversation later. Try to use something as a triggering incident in order to have a conversation that will drive home the point you are trying to make. Most importantly, keep it short and sweet or his mind will wander. Sorry guys but you know it’s true.
Let’s just say that your feelings were hurt because you felt like he had taken you for granted because he had forgotten something important. When it happened, he saw your reaction and realized what he had done but didn’t address it. Instead he said, Maybe we’ll get that new car you wanted next year. You are thinking, Why on earth is he bringing that up right at this moment? He is thinking, I screwed up and I know she wants a new car so this will make up for it.
You want him to say, I’m sorry I screwed up and I will try to make it up to you. He wants you to say, Thank you for mentioning the car I have wanted. I understand that that is the same as saying you are sorry. WRONG!
The argument begins and you can’t get him to understand that he didn’t address the problem and that that was what you needed and wanted to hear. After you voice your feelings, he then says something like, Well in my own way, I was trying to say I was sorry and make it up to you. Here is where the little tool comes in. Use a metaphor! Men get metaphors!
Here is an example. The preceding conversation just played out to no avail. So now, it’s time for a metaphor. Your turn, Honey, please think about this. Let’s say I just came into the room and knocked over your favorite statue and it broke into tiny little pieces. I could tell you were upset so I reacted by saying, let’s go look at that new car you have been wanting next year. He will probably look at you like you are crazy. What does that have to do with the fact that you just broke my statue?
Your turn, Oh, I guess in my own way I was trying to say I was sorry for breaking your statue. Don’t say another word or you will undo what he just came to understand. Mind you, this is all based on the premise that he wants to understand and does care about you.
