An email just came from a woman who was getting ready for her daughter’s wedding. She asked me what advice she should give her daughter before the big day. The question and my answer seemed appropriate to post since so many of you who have gone through the divorce process are thinking about remarriage.
Suzanne,
Advice is usually an unwanted commodity. Unless you are asked for advice, bite your tongue if necessary. Since the wedding is already planned, advice about marriage is rather late anyway.
When and if your daughter does ask for advice, be stingy and give it sparingly. This is one time that you shouldn’t be generous. My mom always used to say that the reason her in laws loved her was because she “kept her mouth shut and her pocketbook open.”
So that being said, my thoughts are the following:
- Get to know your future spouse before you get married. (No specific time frame involved…just time enough to witness how he acts and reacts with the good and bad that comes his way.)
- Make sure that your future spouse is your best friend. Make sure that that you can talk about anything and everything. Do talk about anything and everything. Don’t keep any secrets.
- Be confident in the fact that he has your back and that you have his back at all times. Be confident that you will never have to question his loyalty and never do anything to make him question yours.
- Attraction and passion are vital but they must be based on the kind of intimacy that is born of trust and respect.
- Marriage is not a cake walk. It takes work on the part of each of the spouses. Forgive quickly and don’t hold grudges.
- When the children arrive, don’t forget that they are gifts and that they are only on loan for a short period of time.
- When that time is up, it’s the love between the husband and wife that remains. The best gift parents can give their children is a good marriage.
Hopefully, my answer is a help. 😉
Photo: Aunt Owwee
