The most difficult and the most important part of divorce should be appropriate parenting of the children during and after the process.
In the rare case of an amicable divorce, this is a bit easier because the parents are able to work together to keep their children appropriately parented.
When a marriage goes sour, too often one or both of the spouses are so ridden with anger, guilt, fear, vindictive, self pity and or abandonment issues that they are not aware of the effect that divorce is having on the children.
Some parents are on a mission to prove to the children that the other parent is the one who destroyed the marriage. Some parents use their children to get back at the other parent. Some parents blame the children for certain issues. No parents are without fault if they involve the children in the divorce in any way.
I have been asked to list some of the most important do’s and don’ts when it comes to children and divorce.
Five Do’s:
1. Both parents should tell the children about the divorce together.
2. The parents should tell the children that the divorce is not the fault of the children.
3. The parents should emphasize that the love they have for their children will not change.
4. The parents should ask the children to share their concerns.
5. The parents should answer these concerns honestly.
Five Don’ts:
1. Do not place blame.
2. Do not alienate the other parent by badmouthing or in any other way.
3. Do not withdraw from or neglect the children.
4. Do not discuss the specifics of the divorce such as what went on in divorce court.
5. Do not try to make the children choose between parents.
Photo by Polokampo
