I am going to share with you a portion of a question that I was asked recently. It was regarding an aunt who wanted to intervene because her sister’s children were choosing sides during the divorce process. She asked for my opinion on how to handle the situation.
“That may be the toughest question I have ever had to answer. First of all, since it is your sister, who is the one going through the divorce, her children are going to assume that your opinion is biased, no matter what you say. With that said, everyone, parents and children alike need to be aware of the fact that loyalties change like the weather. Divorce brings out the worst in people. This includes the spouses, children and families, as a whole.
One minute a child can see the reality of right and wrong because of his or her own recollection of events. The next minute, the same child can become convinced that the parent that he or she was devoted to has grown horns and has become the bad guy. A very experienced psychologist that I spoke with regarding a similar situation, advised me of the following. He said, “Children tend to gravitate toward the parent that they are afraid of losing. The parent who has always been there is the one that, all too often, they seem to disregard and even treat with contempt.” He also said that, “It is important to remember that children are selfish. More often than not, they are attracted to the parent who can offer them the most materialistically.”
So, where does that leave you as a loving aunt? In my opinion, the best way that you can help the children is to be a listener. Hear what they say and why. Help them to see both sides, even if you have a hard time seeing both sides. The bottom line is that children love both of their parents. Even if they don’t show it, they do not want to pick sides. Most of the time, they want both parents in their lives after divorce. It is sad to say but many children dream and hope for a reconciliation between their parents. They feel the loss of family even more than the parents do. Your sister’s children are lucky to have you. If you try to remain a neutral listener, you will help them more than you can imagine.
Good luck to you. They are lucky to have you!”
