Consequences and Imperfection…

How do we as mothers, teach our children about consequences? How do they learn that bad choices may hurt themselves and others? When they are small, and they do something inappropriate, we give them a time out or take away something special such as, dessert. It is much easier, when they are young and when we have a command of the situation.

Early in their young lives, they place us on pedestals and with a bit of fear and hopefully respect, they act in a way that will be pleasing to us. We try to teach them, by our actions and by our words. When they see us go back to a cashier to tell her that she gave us too much change, we hope that we teach them honesty. When we work hard and don’t take the easy way out, we hope to teach them about a strong work ethic. When we give of ourselves and offer something special to someone, we hope to teach them generosity.

When we focus on what is really important in life, we try to teach them about kindness and forgiveness. When we don’t show anger during difficult times, we hope to teach them tolerance. We give all that we have and all that we are, to our children. We hope that they will be better in every way, than we are.

At some point, our children discover that we have feet of clay. They make the determination, just as we did, that their parents are human. As they get older and begin to think more for themselves, they watch us and dare us to fall off the pedestals on which they had placed us. I remember when I came to that knowledge about my parents. At first it was a bit hard to take and even upsetting. In time, a true maturity and understanding evolved and I was able to see that, while my parents were imperfect, they were also my parents and they were loving to me.

We didn’t always agree but I accepted them and was grateful to them for what they shared with me. I realized that they did the best that they could with what they had been given. I loved them and accepted them with all of their frailties and all of their strengths. I realized that I needed to pick and choose what I wanted to take from each of their lessons and lives. It was during that space in time, that I really launched myself into adulthood. Years didn’t give rise to my becoming an adult.

The ability to understand, forgive and own up to my own frailties was the foundation on which my adulthood was built. I learned that loving myself and taking care of myself, was a good thing. It made me more able to love and give to my children. My strengths and inadequacies were the basis of what I would be able to exemplify to my children. It was when I realized that I wasn’t perfect and that I didn’t need to be, that I became a better mother and better human being.