Divorce Grief

You have finally come to the conclusion that you are alone. Everything is up to you now. The tears continue to fall and you continue to beat yourself up for being weak. You have been going through the divorce process for what seems like forever. Why can’t you come to grips with the fact that you are divorced? You are experiencing divorce grief.

Here is the reality. Divorce is the end of a marriage and family as you knew it.  A grieving process is part of the scenario and accepting that fact is a stepping stone to recovering. Everyone handles sadness and grief differently but ultimately each must understand and own the divorce grief process.

Five Stages of Grief

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

After living through each of the stages of your divorce grief in your own time frame, you will begin to see your future on the horizon. So give yourself a break and please don’t allow well-meaning friends to make you think that your time is up for being sad.

I remember when I lost a dear friend years ago. I spent the days after her death going through every photo album I had. I needed to see her smile over and over again. One of her friends stopped by and saw my tear streaked face. Her eyes were swollen too and I knew how upset she was. When she asked me if I wanted to go the mall shopping with her, I wasn’t surprised. Why? She always went shopping when she was sad.

Case in point, everyone handles divorce grief differently and that is just the way it is. So don’t beat yourself up if you handle yours differently from others.

You may experience different feelings at different times.  Often the emotional feelings that you have take their toll on your physical well being. Sometimes the grieving process can include symptoms like the flu. You might lose or gain weight. You might have a hard time sleeping or you might sleep more than usual. You may lose your usual energy.

Remember that some people can get over a divorce in a few months. For some it might take a few years or many years.

Whatever category you or your friends fall into, remember that the process will always be different in duration and level of emotion. That is just the way it is.

Photo: Joe Penna