What are we teaching our children when we approve of sameness? Teaching this fallacy gives a foundation that is difficult to overcome. The reality is that people are different and that is what “makes the world go round.”
Things have certainly changed. When I was young, I learned about competition and that was a good thing. I played on teams and sometimes we won the games and sometimes we lost. We felt happy when things went our way and sad when things didn’t. We worked harder at whatever sport we were playing and then learned the lesson that success doesn’t always come easily. I tried out for plays and sometimes I got the part and sometimes I didn’t I would feel disappointed or excited at the outcome. Then I worked harder so that I would do better the next time.
I will never forget the day that I experienced T-Ball for the first time with my oldest son. Those adorable little tykes didn’t quite get the concept of going to first base, then second base, then third base and then finally home. As a matter of fact, they didn’t exactly understand that they needed to hit the ball off of the T before they should start to run.
When that first game was over and the kids and I were in the car heading home, I complimented my son on how well he had done. He looked up at me with sad eyes. He said, It doesn’t matter. I didn’t understand his words. I went on to mention that his team did really well and then I made the most terrible blunder, I mentioned the score. My son looked at me indignantly. He said, That wasn’t the score. It doesn’t matter anyway because the game ended in a tie.
At that moment, I didn’t have a clue why he said that. I called one of my neighbors who had kids a bit older than mine and asked her how T-ball worked. I couldn’t believe her explanation but it became abundantly clear as my younger three children began to play T-ball. The bottom line is that there are no winners in T-Ball. All the games end in a tie.
What lessons were taught to these youngsters? I think the lessons were pretty clear. Don’t try, practice or work hard so that you and your team will get better. No matter how hard you work or how much you practice, you and your team will be the same as every other team even if they don’t try and work hard to improve.
At what point and at what age is the switch made? When are children taught that hard work and perseverance does count in life? If children don’t experience success and failure early in life, how can they learn to be appreciative for what they can accomplish? How can they learn to be compassionate for others who are experiencing failures for some reason? Why start of their life lessons with such an untruth that is based on sameness?
Teaching children that sameness is something to strive for is a disservice to them and to their futures. I believe that the lessons I was taught when I was T-ball age were the foundation of how I have attempted to live my life.
- Don’t follow the crowd.
- Be a leader.
- Do what you believe is right and stand up for your beliefs.
- Do the best that you can in everything you do.
- Understand that there will always be people who are smarter, more talented and more successful. Don’t judge yourself by them.
- Above all, don’t measure your success by comparing yourself to the people who can’t do what you have done for whatever reason.
- Evaluate your own success with the confidence and knowledge that you had done the best that you could do.
- Be honest with yourself and make sure your actions are for the right reasons.
- Be compassionate and help those who don’t have what you have, can’t do what you can do or are less fortunate than you are for any reason.
Sorry, for the diatribe but I just can’t advocate sameness in any of the lessons that are taught to our children at any age.
