Part of the holiday season has come to an end but New Year’s Eve is still on the horizon. For many people this is an important celebration but for others it’s considered, “rookies night out.”
Whatever the case is, remember that old ways of celebrating special days are not necessarily appropriate now. Speaking for myself, I tried to create new memories for my kids by doing things differently. My hope was that by creating new memories, the pain that we all felt might be lessened. It did help but not magically.
What most of my clients are experiencing now is loneliness when their kids are with their fathers. Even the fathers who didn’t care about the holidays can suddenly become effervescent with holiday cheer. Use the time to get some things done.
Kids aren’t dumb. They see their parents staying the same or doing total turnarounds. Most of the time, they understand that the not so subtle attempts at control are merely attempts to hurt the ex-spouse.
Sometimes it’s possible to celebrate a holiday on a different day so that the children aren’t pulled in all directions. Sometimes, taking turns for the holidays can work. The thing you must realize is that if a man was selfish and demanding while you were married, he will be a selfish and demanding ex-husband.
The other thing that may come into play is the possibility of a destination holiday. Like it or not, the parent with the most money is often the parent that kids are attracted to because kids can be very hedonistic. What could be better than a Christmas or New Years in Hawaii or skiing?
If you put up a fuss, you will be the bad guy. Remember that in time, if you are patient…very patient… things will get better. If you are going to be alone during the holidays, try to keep your mind occupied and do things that will help you get through the process as easily as possible.
2012 can bring you a new beginning!
Photo: Lenabem-Anna
