Friends, I just read a comment on my blog and feel the need to post it as an article because it is so pertinent, so frightening and so much a reality! I don’t want anyone to miss this frightening and sad comment. Please take heed!
“Claudia, Thank you for your support and voice for Stay at Home Moms! There was a generation, seemed so long ago, when SAHMs were expected, respected and appreciated. We were the backbone of society. We raised our families with the expertise that is in our genes. There was no pay, no days off, no vacation, no bonuses, no retirement plan, nothing but the love, hugs and kisses from our loved ones. What a change we have today!!! I’m going through a divorce where I’ve been insulted as a SAHM, degraded, considered lazy and even told that I “lived off of my spouse for 25 yrs”!!
I’m the typical old fashioned mom from a generation ago, great housekeeper and cook, penny pincher, coupon clipper, party planner, involved parent in all types of school & sport events, tired to say the least but content that I was giving 110% to my family. I even used tools, chopped and stacked fire wood, taught my kids to bait fish hooks, mow the lawn, paint, do minor repairs, ect. I am a real worker, not afraid to tackle anything. And I worked PT doing whatever I could to bring in spare $$, housecleaned, babysat, garden jobs, ect….But, then came the Divorce!
I was considered a leech, a burden, I did nothing for 25 yrs! My spouse would flip flop from saying I did nothing all this time, “nothing” meant making a salary. Then he would flip and say I worked, was able to support myself, so I don’t need spousal support. The breakdown of our marriage happened when I broke down. I was doing so much and the demand to do more from him just made me crack. When my kids were older and I got a “paying job”, which he didn’t want because he made too much money ($200,000+) for me to work “on the books”, he would drop the kids off in my office because “they missed mom”.
I couldn’t work with two kids there. then he would complain that things were not running well at home because I was not there to keep it running like it used to be. It was just too much for me. He was too cheap to hire people to help clean, mow the lawn, do gardens, laundry ect….he made plenty of money but didn’t want to spend much of it. In one aspect he treated me like I was some type of super hero able to work from sun up to sundown and not be tired at night and have time for him, then on the other hand he would ask “What do you do all day?? Why don’t you get out and get a real job??”
I had no hobbies and hardly any social life with other adults, my hobbies were related to caring for my family, cooking, cleaning, gardening, PTA, ect…meanwhile he climbed the ladder at work, still played all of his sports, went fishing, hung almost nightly after work or ballgames with the guys at the bar. I was almost a single mom for many many years. With the way society is going now, women should get back to raising their kids and family but it can be such a unappreciated “job”, most women opt to pay someone else to raise their kids, buy fast food for dinner because the “have” to work and are content with Well, that’s the way it is. What’s ironic about the lack of respect for SAHMs is that there’s so much praise for Stay at Home Dad’s!!! The supportive web sites, the articles, ect.”
