10 Steps to Raising Well Adjusted Kids

The blame game seems to be the most popular of all of the divorce games and I don’t recommend it.

The reality is that there must be damage control by both parents in order to save the children from more fallout than has already headed their way thanks to your divorce.

So, since you are getting a divorce or have gotten a divorce, there are a few things that you and your ex can do for sake of your children. Each one of these steps begins with, “Grow Up!”

1. Avoid trying to get back at your ex. That means to avoid divorce court if you can.

2. Even if your ex is the evil one, at least in your mind, he isn’t in the eyes of your children. He is their dad. Answer their questions honestly but don’t elaborate even if you are sure that telling them something will gain points for your side.

3. Be a supportive parent and let them know that you love them and always will be there for them.

4. Don’t make excuses for the ex if the ex is unreliable or deceitful. If you aren’t honest with them, they will realize that you are not honest. Make sure that they understand that it isn’t anything they have done to cause the divorce and that the responsibility belongs to the adults.

5. Even though you are sure that you are the one who was wronged, encourage them to spend time with your ex — unless there is any kind of abuse involved. If there is abuse, do all you can do to protect them. (Be honest and don’t use your pain or anger to create an allusion of abuse.) Don’t use a script, saying things like, “You should do what your father says” when you don’t really mean it. Those words are hollow and they will see through them eventually.

6. Do not place your children in the position of being the messenger. All this shows the child is that you are too immature to speak rationally to your ex.

7. Understand that you are in charge of parenting when the children are with you and he is in charge when they are with him.

8. Be sensitive to your children’s feelings when you begin to date.  Be aware of the fact that children hope that their parents will eventually get back together and that means you and your ex.

9. Take time to heal so that you can show your children that they can also survive and thrive after they experience an adversity in life. This will also help them with their own relationships in the future.

10. Remember that parenting requires two adults to play the roles of mother and father. Yes, that means you two! (and you too!)