Along with the holidays come many happy moments but sadly, far too many people experience loneliness and sadness at this wonderful time of year. Divorce can tip the scale when it comes to taking a toll on happiness experienced during the holidays. Usually the unbearable sadness comes into play the holiday season after one of the spouses has called it quits on the marriage but that doesn’t mean the one before is euphoric.
Why? Well, it’s because the sadness prior to the split is a very different kind of pain because it is often a silent predator that tiptoes in during the holidays. It is possible that one or both spouses aren’t even aware of its presence. Because the ending of a marriage is usually put on hold until after the holidays, the holiday season can be the calm before the storm.
Sometimes one or both spouses have made the decision to file for divorce but have not acted on it yet. Other times one or both of them just sit and wait during the holidays, hoping that things will get better. It just doesn’t happen that way.
As families come together for the holidays, the stress levels can escalate to the point of illness, arguments, too much drinking and the like. Many people have the idea that families should be together for the holidays and for the most part I agree. However, it is my belief that coercing, forcing or playing a guilt trip on family members in order to get them to share a holiday is wrong. That only pours gasoline on the already burning embers.
Take an already unhappy marriage and add diverse personalities, faiths, finances, attitudes and levels of respect and the recipe for a detonation of the family has been completed. Any possibility for improved relationships is thrown out the window with all of the other dirty linen for everyone to see.
My suggestion to you is to remain vigilant during the holidays. Keep your eyes and ears open and don’t delude yourself into thinking that, “This too shall pass.” A marriage that is failing or has failed cannot be transformed because the family comes together during the holidays. Quite the contrary. Please check this out
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