Divorce Parties

Okay, okay, okay! I will write a post on divorce parties…at least my opinion of them.

I will list my three rules first and then add my suggestions with my P.S. at the end.

Rule #1. Don’t do anything that might hurt your children! No matter how much you might want to celebrate the fact that your marriage is finally over, please don’t make that your first priority.

Rule #2. Plan the celebration for the right reason. Do it because you are ready to celebrate a new life NOT to get back at your ex. As a matter of fact, if you are trying to get back at your ex, you aren’t over him so you shouldn’t be planning the celebration of your divorce until you are over him so for that reason alone you don’t need to celebrate.

Rule #3. Plan the celebration at the right time. Don’t do it before your divorce is final. You might not want to celebrate when you see the judge’s final judgment. I understand that many women actually display their framed divorce decree so celebrating prior to the fact just doesn’t apply.

Some women say tying one on is a vital part of the process. If that is true in your case, plan your timing when the children won’t have to see you!

Plan your guest list to include people who understand why you are having a party in the first place and are happy for you. Do not invite your ex no matter what or why! (Duh!) Even if you get along, don’t do it. (If I were on the guest list, I would certainly be thinking that if you two could get along well enough to give a party together, why didn’t you stay married?) Women who have been divorced themselves might be a good starting place. I strongly suggest that you avoid friends from your workplace for obvious (hopefully) reasons. Do not invite your children no matter what or why!

If you need some ideas for what to do during the party, I have heard about some popular suggestions. A decorated cake seems to be the main must have and depending on your sense of humor, your guest’s sense of humor, the level of your crassness, the level of your guests’ crassness and the talent of the decorating person, the possibilities are endless!

Some ladies perform a ceremonial burning of the marriage license. The guests bring funny cards and silly gifts. (Sorry but I need to add something here. I do not believe that presents are appropriate at all. Especially if some of the guests already gave you wedding gifts. It might be more appropriate to give them back to them at this point. That is if you got to keep any of them after the divorce.)

Asking all of your guests to write down what they disliked most about your ex while you do the same thing. (You write down your dislikes for your ex, not their ex’s! )

Request that the group sings a divorce song that you wrote. Pick a catchy tune that everyone knows.

I have heard of some ideas that I believe are just wrong and hopefully you will agree. Please don’t try to do anything that you think will get back at your ex. Don’t let anyone video or audio your party! Don’t burn any photos. Whether you want to believe it or not, they are important to your kids and maybe even your grand kids. They are part of who they are. (Whether or not you want to admit it, they are also part of who you are!)

Now, for my P.S.

I do not agree with these parties or celebrations. While I was elated when it was over, I was also afraid. I was afraid because I thought I had lost my identity, my self-respect and my financial future. I felt like a failure at the last 25 years of my life. The thought of a celebration never entered my mind. When it’s over, it’s over. You cared enough to marry him so respect that even when it ends.

Own your history and own what you had at one time. So now it’s over, it’s time to move on with the fact that you learned from your mistakes. Today, nearly 8 years after my divorce process began, I am exceedingly happy. I have truly moved on. I am happier than I have ever been, except when my children were babies. Would it cross my mind to have a celebration of the fact that my marriage ended? Absolutely not because it would demean my vows, what I thought my marriage was and it would demean what I put into my marriage and my family. That’s just my opinion as it relates to me.

I know the aftershock on this post will resonate for quite a while but as you know, I speak from my heart.