Is The Wife Really The Last to Know?

We have all heard, “The wife is the last one know.” I don’t think that is necessarily true. I can’t tell you how often women ask me the question, “Why didn’t I see the signs that he was cheating?”

The reasons for the question vary but they all seem to go back to the same thing, we don’t pay attention to our instincts or intuition or what I refer is to as our  “gut.”  Just because you are keeping your promises and vows, you can’t assume that others are.

Here’s the thing… when you haven’t cheated and you are accused of cheating, there is no need to defend yourself. In fact, if you have kept your promises, being accused of cheating should be a red flag to you. (Obviously, if you have cheated, that comment is null and void.)

There is a psychological term called “projecting” which in layman’s terms, is a defense mechanism used by someone who consciously or subconsciously denies his or her own negative attributes or actions and then casts blame on someone else for being and or doing the same.

Narcissists and the people I call “takers” are talented in their abilities of placing blame on the person who isn’t doing the cheating. It reads like a script. They are never wrong. Problems are always someone else’s fault.

Have you heard any comments like these?

• You pushed me away.
• You made me do this.
• It’s your fault that I cheated.

The list could go on and on because the people making the statements are clever and they know where our Achilles heels are.  When dealing with a “taker” and or a narcissist, we must not underestimate their proficiency in attacking us where it hurts most.

If honor and loyalty are your strong suits, what could be better than accusing you of not being loyal or honest? Think about it. Don’t ignore what your instincts are telling you. Don’t be disarmed by attacks on you.

Photo: SectionZ