The Bride and Groom
Some of you have emailed me recently about your thoughts that there isn’t much hope that you can have a happy marriage…ever. Some of you believe that with the end of marriage comes the end of life. Several of you have even cited statistics and I must say that in my opinion, statistics can be used to prove just about anything if they are presented in the right way.
Even if you have experienced divorce, it is possible to find a new partner who will fill the voids in your life if commitment and and hard work are present.
Having said that, I feel the need to share a story about two people I knew many years ago. We met when I was about six when they and my mom became friends. (My mom was a lot older.) I babysat for their three children for years and they were like second parents to me. Somehow we lost touch in about 1989. Thanks to modern technology and Facebook, we not only connected via the internet but on the phone and finally in person.
When we greeted each other, it was like the clock had turned back in time. Old friends that I had known so many years ago were still the same. I know I have a few more wrinkles as did they but they looked just the same and acted the same as I remembered.
My old friends had recently celebrated their fiftieth anniversary and clearly, they love each other the same way that I remember over twenty years ago. I was so touched during their visit because I knew that life had thrown them some curve balls in the past but witnessed the fact that they just changed direction and then continued on their marital journey…together!
He has been on the wagon for over thirty five years and I salute both of them. I celebrate him for his desire and commitment to stay sober in order to remain the man, husband and father that he was meant to be. I celebrate her for being the independent, loving, fun and loyal support system that he and their children needed. How awesome is it to see a couple that didn’t give up on the ship that is called marriage?
My mom used to say that, “The best gift that parents can give their children is a good marriage.” I believe that to be true because I have seen it happen over and over again. I will always feel a bit guilty that I was unable to give that gift to my children.
Parents who stray or divorce offer a broken promise as an example of what marriage vows do or don’t mean. Divorce in some ways exemplifies failure. I believe that in some instances such as when abuse is involved, marriages should end but I also think that too many marriages end when times are tough. Marriage is never easy.
The reality is that being part of a good or even great marriage is the result of commitment to marital vows and hard work.
We all know the vows that have been echoed during wedding ceremonies for decades.
I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
In today’s day and age, it seems like the wedding vows have become more like, “…from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until divorce do us part.”
What example do you want to set for your kids? Please learn from your mistakes and make sure the next relationship is based on a foundation of love, honor, loyalty, commitment and hard work. After all, after one strike you aren’t out! You can still make a home run!
photo from Heavens Gate John The Bride and Groom
