When asked, “How long does a divorce usually last?” I find myself struggling to avoid saying, “As long as people allow it to last.”
I am not talking about the divorce process itself because that depends on the state where you live, your circumstances, such as children and assets and the attorneys involved.
What I am talking about is how long one or both of the spouses involved in the divorce, constantly dwell on it. Some seem to be stuck, much like a fly on flypaper and they can’t move on. These are the ones who are filled with anger and continually complain and harp on what the ex spouse did or didn’t do, how much money or how many assets were lost, how unfair and expensive the process was.
With these people, the stories about the divorce and the ex get bigger and more untrue as time goes on. They spew venom every time their ex spouse’s name enters a conversation.
You can always tell the emotionally healthy people because they are the ones who pick themselves up, brush themselves off and put their best foot forward. Often, the spouse who filed for divorce is the one who can’t let it go. You would think it would be the other way around.
I have found that often the spouse who should be the most hurt and resentful is often the one who lets go of the past and moves on. When speaking about this, a friend used to say, “They act that way because they hate the one they hurt.”
I’m not sure I agree with that statement but I do know that, “You can’t see the road ahead if you keep looking into the rear view mirror.”
Photo: Moises On
