The nature of what I do affords me a tremendous awareness of the possibilities and probabilities of what can occur during the divorce process.
As I coach, I listen carefully to what each woman says and more importantly I listen to what she doesn’t say. I ask questions like, “Do you think that your spouse would…? Why do you think that…wouldn’t happen? Has…ever happened?” I often play the devil’s advocate so that I can help my clients gain more of an awareness of the “what ifs?”
My questions encourage facing the possibility of what had previously been disregarded or ruled out. I want to prepare each woman for anything and everything that might happen during the divorce process.
I detest it when I’m proven right about my concerns. My instincts are almost always “on the money.” (No pun intended.) When I’m wrong, I’m thrilled because as I have written so often, my goal is to help as many women as possible to prepare for the worst as they hope for the best.
Nothing makes me happier than when women encounter the “best” with their divorces. Nothing saddens me more than when my gut reaction about what “worst thing” might happen, does indeed happen.
That’s exactly what happened yesterday. A particular mom who I had been coaching, called me crying hysterically. Before she had gotten the words out, I knew what had happened. I knew that her soon to be ex-husband had gained custody of their children. Sadly, her story is not unique. Some of the most unlikely spouses seek and gain custody.
During our calls prior to yesterday, I had questioned her regarding the possibility that he would attempt to gain custody of the children. She repeatedly told me that there was no way. She said that he had no time for them. She said he didn’t even see them when he had visitation rights. He didn’t even return the children’s phone messages or see them on their birthdays. Over and over she said, “He would never want custody. He just wouldn’t try to get custody.”
Because of more information that I won’t divulge, my gut reaction was that he would do what he could to gain custody and I tried to prepare her for that possibility. I mentioned that child support can be expensive and some parents seek custody so that they won’t have to pay the money to their ex-spouses. She would not be swayed.
My heart just bleeds when the system and unethical and inept professionals allow this kind of thing to happen.
Naivety and unawareness must be replaced with skepticism and knowledge if a woman is to survive the divorce process without losing everything. Some of the most intelligent women are the most gullible and the most naive.
Please. Don’t assume anything about anyone and don’t take anything for granted.
Photo: SirFace
