A Narcissist Will Not Cease and Desist!

Has the man you married changed or have you just figured out the man he has always been? Why did you fall in love with him in the first place? Was he charming, engaging and did he put his best foot forward when you began your relationship? My guess is that you said yes or why would you have gotten married?

Is it possible that you married a narcissist?  If you did and you are beginning the divorce process, put on your seat belt and get ready for a rough ride. Divorcing a narcissist is not pretty and it is not easy.

Our legal system can and often does emotionally batter women who are living through the divorce process. Add to that a narcissistic husband and an already painful situation can get even worse.

Think about it this way. You have heard the expression, “It takes two to tango.” That expression is often used to describe couples who are volatile. These couples are often categorized as high conflict by the courts and therefore one or both can be disregarded because of the drama.

The problem for the person who is divorcing the narcissist is that their reality is much more complicated than our legal system is able to understand.

Narcissists often

• Emotionally abuse spouses and children
• Act entitled and above the rules
• Place blame on others
• Attempt to gain power by creating chaos
• Use children as pawns
• Do not empathize

What that can mean for the spouse of the narcissist is frightening because the narcissist will make unrealistic demands and fight to get revenge. The revenge can be in the form of withholding money or badmouthing the spouse. They often carry out their revenge to the point that they create unfair and untrue accusations and tell all who will listen that the ex is trying to steal HIS money.

Narcissists can’t move on and often the “get back” attitude goes on for a lifetime. If you are divorcing a narcissist, don’t get your hopes up that your divorce will end amicably or that you might ever be able to be friends. It just won’t happen. The narcissist thrives on conflict as a way to keep control.

I have two very important suggestions for you if you are divorcing a narcissist.

1. If possible get therapy for yourself and your children.
2. Make your attorney aware of the fact that narcissism is involved because emotional abuse is often difficult to prove in court and too often, not even taken seriously. At least if your attorney has a heads up, it might help your case. There may be available professionals who have an educated and experienced knowledge of narcissists.

A word to the wise: Always wear your seat belt!

Photo: bark