Help!

Someone just sent me this email and gave me permission to quote her. It just makes me so angry to see how some parents can’t put their kids needs before their own anger, resentment, ego and I could go on and on but I won’t!

Claudia,

I am at such a loss. I don’t know what to do. My heart is breaking. My husband filed for divorce almost a year ago. He had been playing around for almost our whole marriage and I ignored that fact for the sake of our children because I didn’t want them to be the typical children of divorce.

Anyway, here is my problem and I just don’t know how to handle it. Our marriage is over and I’m finally okay with that. For some reason, he won’t even try to work with me for the sake of our children.

They are 5, 8 and 11. The children’s school teacher and parent meetings have begun. Our son who is 8, is doing a presentation for the parents and teachers dealing with helping the earth go green.

I suggested to my soon be ex that we could meet and sit together to show our kids and in particular our son who will be on stage that we are united in our parenting support of him in spite of the divorce.

He went crazy and said that he would never sit next to me and that I make him sick. He was the one who cheated. He was the one who filed for divorce but I make him sick???

What can I do to get him to sit next to me for our son’s sake? Please help me, Claudia. I am desperate!

Signed,

Amanda

Here is my answer and my heart breaks for her and for her son as I type.

Amanda,

You can’t get him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Sadly, many people are so focused on hurting the other parent that they are unable to put their kid’s needs before their own need to be right.

Be there for your son and sit in the front row with your other children and any other extended family members and friends. Let him know that you love and support him.

With the grace of God, your soon to be ex will realize that his actions are hurting his children and not you.

Remember that you are only in control of yourself and you can’t nor should you try to “make” him do anything. It is just heartbreaking to see that he just doesn’t get it!

Keep on trying to be the best mom you can be and whatever you do, please don’t badmouth him even though it will be very difficult.

Please keep me in the loop and let me know how it goes and how well your son does with his presentation.

Regards,

Claudia

Photo by Toby