It’s Not What You Think!

One of my newest clients called me yesterday afternoon and it wasn’t her scheduled appointment time. When I saw the caller ID, I knew something was wrong and luckily I had some time. She has given me permission to share her story.

Basically, she had been emotionally, verbally, and financially abused by her husband for almost eight years. She suspected that he was being unfaithful but he had convinced her that she was wrong for suspecting him. He was very good with words and it wasn’t until she walked in on him with his “friend” that she saw what was really happening.

As she related the event that occurred yesterday, she fell apart. She was devastated. She told me that it just couldn’t be possible. She said that she walked out of the room crying and that he ran after her holding his pants saying, “It’s not what you think.”

Now, considering what she saw, you tell me… what could she have thought about her husband with his pants down and a woman who was totally naked that was inaccurate?

Probably about 85% of my coaching clients are dealing with some kind of abuse and or infidelity. When the husbands are Narcissists, the women have been successfully conned. These women need to find their strength and pay attention to the red flags.

So… if you are in a marriage such as hers and can’t seem to break the cycle, you are not alone. Many women in this situation are trapped into believing that they are the ones who are causing the problems.

As always, I have learned to see the positives with almost everything and this was no different.

After hearing her tearful words, I waited until she took a breath.

I then asked her these questions and got these answers:

• How long have you been unhappy in your marriage? 7 years
• How many times have you started to file for divorce? 3 times
• Why did you stop the divorce process? I stopped because he convinced me that he was faithful and that I was crazy.
• How much do you like your husband? I don’t like him at all.
• Do you feel good about yourself? Why? I feel like a failure at everything I do. I have no confidence. I used to have a good self-esteem. He never tells me I do anything right or that I can please him in anyway. He tells me things that have destroyed me emotionally.
• How much do you cry? I cry every day so many times.
• Do you know if he is cheating? Yes. I saw them this time.
• Do you think you could be wrong? NO!

After a slight pause, I said, Hmmm… Maybe this was a blessing in disguise.

I noticed that she had stopped crying. What are you thinking? I’m thinking that this was what I needed to finally file for divorce.

Bingo! Now you have perspective! How about you? What do you need to gain perspective?

Photo: Sarah G…