Women Talking
I just overheard a friend’s conversation with with one of her daughter’s in law. It broke my heart because it was the same conversation that so many women have with their children.
Her ex-husband had been a bad father, never there, never cared, always non connected but since the divorce has come to the kids like gang busters, in an effort to prove how much he cares and always did. He is attempting to prove to the kids that the mom who was always there, always disciplined, always put them first was and is the bad guy.
I heard her say, “He destroyed me financially. He doesn’t care about you kids. He is just trying to hurt me. I want you to make a decision. You need to know that I won’t tolerate your having any relationship with him. I want you to tell him that you don’t want him in your life or your kid’s lives. You need to be loyal to me because he did me wrong. I was always there for you and he wasn’t.”
I watched the look on her daughter in law’s face. It said it all. Then the daughter in law said, “He was so mean to me while you were married. He made me feel like garbage and now he treats me nicely. He buys us the things that we need and want. He has changed. Now he cares.”
My friend said, “No, he doesn’t. Promise me you will sever your relationship with him.”
There was no answer and she left. My friend said to me, “Now they all understand what they need to do.”
My heart broke for all of them because none of them understood that for the most part, people don’t change. Children don’t want to pick sides, no matter how much one of the parents wronged them or the other parent.
The saddest part of all is that the parent with the money is the parent who will for the most part rule out.
My dear mother who has long since passed used to tell people, “My kids and my in laws love me because I keep my mouth shut and my pocketbook open.”
Think about it my friends and learn from the experiences of others. Life is great when you just understand people’s motivations. Life can be good. No, life can be great when you understand.
Photo byKamneed
