Claudia Broome
Today’s blog will be a bit different from most. I have received some emails recently from some “newbies” who want to know more about me and so I will fill you in.
What seems a lifetime ago:
I had a great job with Delta Airlines in Miami and was climbing the corporate ladder when I met my ex-husband. We got married in 1979 and about three years later I got pregnant with my first child.
I loved my husband, my job and was ecstatic over the idea of being a mom. After a difficult pregnancy, my beautiful son was born. Back in those days, maternity leave was about three months and there were extensions if the mom was breast feeding. In my case, I was able to get three extensions before returning to work.
Life was good. As a supervisor in reservations, I worked various shifts and managed to work my work schedule into my baby’s schedule so that I was only away from him for about two hours a day. I was lucky enough to have sitters who could work the baby’s schedule onto mine.
About a year later, I became pregnant with a beautiful baby girl. I began to worry about how I could juggle my work schedule so that I could be home when my baby boy and my baby girl were both awake. These beautiful babies were not and could not be on the same schedule.
So, when my maternity leave was over and my breast feeding extensions were over, I went back to work. Two tearful days after my return to work, I turned in my resignation.
I was shy of being vested by two months. That fact was unimportant to me at the time. (Wow! Have I changed my opinion on that one!) My husband and I wanted me to become a stay at home mom to raise the babies so that he could dedicate himself to his work.
I loved my job but I loved my children and my husband more so I gave it all up to be a stay at home mom. I had no regrets at the time because I knew that my marriage was forever and raising my children was the most important thing that I could do. A few months later, I became pregnant with my third child, a beautiful son.
My husband was climbing the corporate ladder and I was an enthusiastic corporate wife and mother. When my third child was an infant, my ex-husband advised me that we were going to move to Rhode Island.
Two years later, my ex-husband advised me that he would be taking a job in Philadelphia. We uprooted our family again and moved as we celebrated our tenth anniversary. Soon I became pregnant with my fourth child, a beautiful baby boy.
Looking back, I realize that I wanted each additional child because I felt that we could offer them wonderful lives that would be secure. In addition I just loved kids and being a mom.
I was so very busy but the part that I hadn’t figured out at the time was that I was alone in my marriage. My husband’s focus was on work and making money. My life was dedicated to our children and our family. I worked hard at being a corporate wife and doing what that required. I tried to do what would help our children feel like their father was involved in our lives. I made excuses for why he missed special days. I made excuses to myself for why I felt deserted and alone.
At some point, we purchased a farm. I was ecstatic because I didn’t realize that the farm came with strings attached that involved my turning my back on my ex-husband’s absence and focus in other directions. At that point, I still didn’t understand that he had left me emotionally and physically. I just thought that as usual, his business was where he focused his time and energy.
My days were filled with my children and their activities, volunteering, a two hundred year old farm house and grounds, six horses, four dogs, a cat. I was consumed by all of them. At that time my ex-husband was traveling five or six days a week.
When he came home, life was really tough for our family. He was never happy and nothing was good enough. His moods were like a roller coaster and abusive. At some point, he began accusing me of marital indiscretions. I couldn’t understand why he was making these accusations because being unfaithful was the farthest thing from my mind. After all, I thought, “What sane woman would want another man when the one she already had caused so much stress?”
He filed for divorce in 2002. It was a long, expensive and very ugly divorce. The children were involved in the divorce inappropriately.It was an excruciatingly painful time for the children and me. The divorce decree was final in 2006 and the farm sold in 2007.
I had been blind sided, financially ruined and emotionally shattered. After I allowed myself a brief pity party, I decided that I would do all I possibly could do to help other women so that they might be spared of the horrific events that I had endured during the divorce process.
At first, I gave my input to some women’s sites on the internet and then decided I needed my own. I began this site originally as Divorce For Stay At Home Moms. It has evolved since then.
In the last six years, I have helped hundreds and hundreds of women living through the divorce process. Actually those numbers have grown a lot. Now it’s over five figures of women. (No pun intended.)
So there you have it. I am so happy to see where all of this has taken me. Life is great after divorce. I can sure attest to that. I think the most fulfilling part about what I am doing is when I read the emails or have conversations with some of the women that I was able to help years ago. Most of them exemplify that old saying, “You’ve come a long way baby!”
So my new friends, where ever you find yourself in the divorce process, you’ll be able to say the same thing about yourself someday as long as you maintain the right attitude.
Believe that, stay safe and remember that you have the support of friends here.
